“There is plenty of room,” Alice said, sitting in a large chair at the tea table.
The March Hare offered her wine. There was none. Alice called that rude; the Hare replied that sitting without an invitation was rude. The Hatter asked why a raven was like a writing desk.
Alice tried to solve the riddle.
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter.
The Dormouse slept between them, waking only to mumble. The Hatter explained that Time had quarrelled with him. Now it was always six o’clock, so the party was stuck at teatime. Whenever the cups became dirty, everyone simply moved one place around the table.
They woke the Dormouse and demanded a story. He told of three sisters who lived at the bottom of a treacle well and learned to draw things beginning with M. Every question Alice asked made the tale less sensible.
When the Hatter told her she should not speak, Alice had had enough. She walked away while the others tried to push the Dormouse into the teapot.
“That was the stupidest tea party I ever attended,” she said.
In the woods she found a tree with a door in its trunk. It led back to the hall of locked doors. This time Alice had both the golden key and a piece of mushroom. She made herself the right size and entered the beautiful garden.
Three gardeners shaped like playing cards were painting white roses red. They had planted the wrong colour and feared the Queen of Hearts.
A grand procession arrived: soldiers, courtiers, royal children, the White Rabbit, the Knave, the King, and the Queen.
The Queen spotted Alice.
“Who is this?”
Alice said her name. The Queen then discovered the trembling gardeners.
“Off with their heads!” she shouted.
The soldiers marched them away, but Alice secretly hid the gardeners in a flowerpot.
The Queen turned back, still frowning.
“Can you play croquet?”
“Yes,” said Alice.
“Come on, then!”
The players hurried after her. Alice followed, wondering how one played croquet with flamingos for mallets and hedgehogs for balls—and how long anyone near this Queen managed to keep a head at all.